


Nicktoon Legends (Comedy Series)

by xandermartin98



Category: Invader Zim, Rocko's Modern Life, SpongeBob SquarePants (Cartoon)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-08
Updated: 2015-01-11
Packaged: 2018-03-06 16:11:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,938
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3140594
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xandermartin98/pseuds/xandermartin98
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Spongebob, Sandy, Rocko, Squidward, Zim and GIR join forces to fight against Viacom's evil and corrupt rule in this epically hilarious role-playing game pastiche featuring dozens of pop culture references.<br/>From Invader Zim dressing up as Dr. Mario to Rocko being rabidly obsessed with his own show, there are so many things to love in this ongoing tale.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapters 1 & 2 (Introduction/Crazy About Rocko)

NICKTOON LEGENDS

CHAPTER 1: OF SPONGY SWORDSMEN, WALLABY WIZARDS AND...DOCTOR ZIM

"What the heck? How did we end up in some kind of fantasy RPG land?" Sandy wondered.  
"Dunno, but-" Spongebob began and then was interrupted.

"Welcome to the training grounds." some random anonymous knight said. "This is a great spot for newbies to hang out, ya hear? Hell, you don't even need to train here! Just dress up as your favorite RPG character class, saddle up and go!"

"I'm a wallaby wizard! Everyone loves magic!" Rocko said with a somewhat overly cheerful and adorable smile; he was wearing red shoes, his face looked like Harry Potter's, and his blue shirt now had yellow triangles on it. His wizard staff was literally some random stick he found in the forest, and onto the tip of it he had superglued a tennis ball. Fake magic staffs aren't supposed to work, but after literally having the entire encyclopedia of wizardry knowledge crammed into his brain, he assumes that basically anything will work, properly or not.

"I hate you. It sure sucks eggs to be the archer." Squidward groaned; he was dressed like Robin Hood and had an arrow pierced through his nose. "What? It makes me look intimidating." His bow was made out of cheaply decorated fool's gold. "Of course. As you can clearly see, I take pride in accepting only the finest material." Well, it's certainly better than that rubbish excuse for a staff, I'll give it that.

"I AM DOCTOR MARIO AND I WILL KILL YOUR WIVES!  
COME TO ME WHEN YOU'VE BEEN CUT BY LASERS, I MEAN, SHARP KNIVES! BRIGHTLY COLORED PILLS! TAKE UNTIL IT KILLS!  
JUST AS LONG AS YOU'RE READY TO PAY! THE! BILLS! HA!  
IN-VA-DER ZIM! DE-STROYS THE EARTH!  
DEATH FROM A-BOVE! MUHUHAHAHA!  
NOW YOU KNOW MY NAME! THIS IS NOT A GAME!  
ALL YOU FILTHY EARTHLING VERMIN ARE! THE! SAME! HA!" 

Okay, okay, Zim, for the love of God, Jesus, and all that is holy on this freaking Earth, WE GET IT. You're dressed up as Dr. Mario. Also, you have Gir as your assistant...WITH WINGS? SERIOUSLY? Oh, dear God, this is going to be so annoying...

"I AM SPONGEBOB! DESTROYER OF EVIL! EVIL SHALL TREMBLE BENEATH MY MIGHTY BLADE!" Spongebob triumphantly yelled. He was dressed as a Viking warrior with chainmail jeans, silver boots, a beard and mustache, and a Viking warrior helmet with the horns and everything. Also, he had a red cape. His sword appeared to be the only good weapon that the team had. What amazing luck! Why is Spongebob always favored over everyone else?

"So this is our entire team?" Sandy asked.  
"Yep."

And with that, they set out on horseback and went to the safe-house marked on their map, which was a giant Adventure Time style treehouse. They trained for exactly one week.

During their training montage, "Eye Of The Tiger" played in the background, cliche for the sake of being cliche. 

Rocko somehow managed to find over 9,000 different ways to accidentally hurt himself with his magic; at one point, he even made God cram forty-two KNOWLEDGE books into his pitiful mortal brain one at a time. "Your stupid mind! Stupid!" God scolded him, pointing a huge blue finger at him.

Spongebob got paid to slice pineapples with a sword (ironic since he lives in one; how the hell is he living on land in this story anyway?) and Sandy always paid attention to him. Clearly, this story is one of Spongebob's physically stronger moments. Sandy practiced her karate and lasso skills as always, even though she was already a master of both.

Squidward was almost as bad at target practice as he was at playing clarinet, and at one point he accidentally killed someone's cow with his atrocious aiming skills. He would need to find a way to pay back the debt for that cow's death, even though he was a flat broke loser.

Last but not least, Zim sang the Dr. Mario theme song at literally every opportunity presented to him. He was pretty funny but didn't do much for the team aside from providing them with space alien medicine that had mostly hallucinogenic effects. Zim's statistics showed that at least 50% of specimens within the Rabid Invader Zim Fangirl species had raging boner crushes on Gir.

Rumor began to spread throughout human society that Dr. Mario was actually a drug dealer, and since humans have a horrible tendency of being absolute idiots, they tried to sue Nintendo for it and ended up getting their asses handed to them. After all, Zim clearly has green skin, even when disguised.

At the end of the training montage, everyone went upstairs and went to bed. However, Rocko sensed that Spongebob was trying to hide something important from him. When he opened the door, he was positively shocked at what he saw.

CHAPTER 2: CRAZY ABOUT ROCKO

"Oh, I see you've been secretly binge-watching my show!" Rocko said with surprise, grabbing the Complete Series DVD case.

"You bet I am! I just discovered this fantastic show and it's been rocking my socks off!" Spongebob said with satisfaction, pausing the show right at the end of the theme song; he was just about to watch the legendary episode "Wacky Delly".

"You don't see awesome shows like this godliness every day, you know. Believe it or not, this series is so darned amazing that I actually kind of feel jealous of you now! Therefore, I declare that I absolutely positively LOVE this show! Best Nickelodeon series EVER!" Spongebob rambled, foaming at the mouth.

"Okay, okay, I get it. You can stop now. Enough drooling over the show like a rabidly obsessed lunatic." Rocko scolded with a smile. "Anyway, back to the previous topic, I see you're really loving my show!"

"Well, yeah, obviously." Spongebob replied. "What do you want me to do now, pardon my asking?" 

"Touch the show." Rocko replied, suddenly going into a trance for no apparent reason.  
"What?" Spongebob replied in confusion.

"LICK THE SHOW..." Rocko continued, staring straight down at the DVD case he was holding with a rather menacingly evil look in his eyes; his tongue was hanging out the side of his mouth and was also positively dripping with saliva. "Lick the show. Lick the show. Lick the show, lick the show. Lick the show. Show. Show. Show. Show. Show. Show..." he began muttering to himself while walking around in a circle with the DVD case gripped tightly in his outstretched hands.

"For crying out loud, what in the holy mother of Neptune does Zim put in those frickin' pills?" Spongebob thought to himself, scratching his helmet. "And I thought the Goofy Goober LSD scandal was bad...I certainly had no idea that people loved Rocko THIS much! What, is he a frickin' narcissist or something?"

"BAWK GAWK! GAWK!" Rocko set the DVD set down on the table and suddenly started making bird noises for literally no reason other than that he presumably saw a small bird pass by through the treehouse window. "I'M A DINGO BAT! I'M A DINGO BAT!"

Slipping even further into insanity, Rocko began flapping his arms up and down like a giant pair of wings as he somewhat drunkenly stumbled back and forth across the room like an idiot, singing about his so-called "dingo-bat wings" in a cringe-worthy, stunningly bad falsetto voice.

"I'M FLAP-FLAP-FLAPPING MY DINGO-BAT WINGS! FLAP-FLAP-FLAPPING MY DINGO-BAT WINGS!!!" At the exact moment when he finished singing his imaginary song, Rocko suddenly saw something through the window. "OH MY GOD IT'S A FLYING FISH!!!"

Unable to think rationally, Rocko jumped right through the window, screaming his brain out. He took a break from screaming for a second to scratch the stinging itch on his brain, then continued screaming as he fell into the lake.

"I have literally no words to describe what in the underwater hell just happened." Spongebob muttered to himself.

Suddenly, Spongebob heard the sound of flapping wings and looked through the window! It was Gir, carrying Rocko's dripping, completely soaked body. "HEY, LOOK, EVERYBODY, I FOUND A DINOSAUR KANGAROO DOGFISH!" Gir rambled cluelessly. "OH MY SWEET PANCAKE LORD, JUST LOOK AT THE SKINNY LITTLE FELLER, HE'S AS TALL AS A GIRAFFE!"

Upon hearing that remark, Rocko's ears perked up as he regained consciousness. "First of all, for the record, I am literally THREE feet tall. Second of all, put me down already and go lift your own weights!"

Gir was deeply angered and offended by that last remark. "YOU'VE...GOT...CHICKEN LEGS!!!" he yelled at the top of his lungs as they both entangled themselves together into a giant ball of dust, stars and fists, rolling all over the floor with rage as they ferociously and violently wrestled with each other to decide who was the better man.

"Nope. Still no words. I give up." Spongebob thought to himself.  
"Oops...zat was not medicine! Hehe!" Zim thought to himself out loud.  
"There's only so much a wallaby can take!" Rocko yelled, pinning Gir to the floor.

"Zim, sometimes I swear you are dumber than a sack of oranges." Sandy scolded Zim. 

"RAISINS?!" Gir screamed; overheating with excitement, he literally lost his mind (if he even had one to begin with) and started writhing on the floor wildly like a complete AR-TARD. "YOU FRICKIN' RAISINS?! SONIC, URRRGH!!! FRICK! FRICK-OW-FRICK! FRIIICK! URGH, FRICK! THIS IS FRICKIN' STUPID!! URR, CURSE YOUUU!!! CURSE YOU SONIC FAN-BASE!!!" Rocko just rolled on the floor laughing at Gir's hilariously flawless SammyClassicSonicFan impersonation.

"Purple, orange, and green! You know what I mean! My pills are the nastiest you've ev-er seen! HA! BOW DOWN TO ME! BOW DOWN TO ME AND ONLY ME! FOR I AM DOCTOR ZIM! MUHUHAHAHA! (cough, cough)" Zim theatrically boasted to the heavens. "YOU FILTHY SEMI-HUMAN EARTHLING SCUM! YOU PATHETICALLY FEEBLE-MINDED UNWASHED VERMIN SHALL NOW BEAR WITNESS TO THE ALMIGHTY AND POWERFUL UBER-MAJESTY AND WICKEDLY AWESOME SUPREME ULTRA-GLORY OF MY BEAUTIFUL D- GAAAAH! PEPPER SPRAY! UM...BAD NIGHT, EVERYONE!"

Zim fainted and fell asleep. With no more Zim to bother them for the rest of the night, everyone else went to sleep as well. Gir was locked inside a steel coffin for the night to prevent him from ransacking the fridge and eating all the food.


	2. Dr. Zim Is In The House

The next morning, everyone woke up from the sound of Sandy yelling at them to gather together in the living room. Once everyone had made it into the living room (except Gir; he was in the bathroom screaming CHOCOLATE STARFISH), Sandy explained the team's new purpose.

"It seems ya'll've been brought here because the cartoon gods seem to believe that you boys are the only ones that can stop the evil menace...the faceless, soulless, heartless corporation known as Viacom." Sandy began.

"But I'm owned by Viacom!" Spongebob pointed out.

"And so was I during my final season!" Rocko added. "Curse those greedy bastards for not putting me on demand...I mean, honestly, couldn't I at least have an uncut DVD release for a change? Why does Spongebob ALWAYS have to get all the attention? It makes me feel so horribly miserable and neglected. I don't want to feel rejected anymore!"

"ZIM FEELS YOUR PAIN, PUNY MORTALS. HOWEVER, NOTHING CAN STOP THE GREAT AND ALMIGHTY FORCE OF NATURE KNOWN AS ZIM!!! NO COPYRIGHT LAW IN THE UNIVERSE IS GOING TO STOP ME!! WORLD DOMINATION IS IMMINENT!!!" Zim added.

"I hate my life." Squidward groaned.

"Anyway, moving on," Sandy continued, "we need a game plan here."

"DOES IT INVOLVE GIANT ROBOTS AND/OR TAKING OVER THE WORLD?!?" Zim asked.

"Nope." Sandy answered.

"Sandy, will you marry me?" Rocko asked.

"Well, although you're super-adorable, we don't really have time for that right now...aww, man, you're such a cuddly little sweetheart though." Sandy answered. "Maybe we could just go out together for dinner or something. Spongebob has a huge crush on me, though, and I don't wanna disappoint him."

"Well, whatever works for you works for me, I suppose!" Rocko said with a smile; despite being generally introverted, he was always so kind, compassionate and charismatic.

"Um...excuse me, but...is our story based off of Lord Of The Rings?" Spongebob asked; oddly, he was actually one of Sandy's smartest students despite being a warrior.

"Why, yes! How did you know that?" Sandy answered.

"Well, I suppose most medieval stories these days do have strong similarities to Lord Of The Rings..." Spongebob explained.

"THIS IS GETTING BORING! WHERE ARE ALL THE ANIMALS? I MUST ENSLAVE THEM!" Zim complained. "YOU! SIR! ROCKY! WHATEVER YOU ARE!"

"I'm a wallaby, thank you very much." Rocko pointed out. "Also, please don't eat me! I'm too juicy- I mean, tender- I MEAN, CHEWY! OH MY GOD, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?"

That comment put a huge and evil grin on Zim's face. "I'LL EAT YOU ALL ALIVE!!! STARTING WITH YOU, JUICY TENDER CHEWY KANGAROO THING!!!" he laughed maniacally.

Rocko screamed his brain out and made a run for it as Zim charged after him. After a few minutes of running, he reached a dead end, the Cliff Of Very Sharp Things. 

"Come on, brain, think. You've studied alien biology! Where would Zim's squeegly-spootch be? Ah, screw it, here goes nothing." Rocko thought to himself.

"Pointwandicus Atsqueeglyspootchicus!" Rocko yelled. Somehow (likely through divine intervention), his spell worked. As Zim charged straight into him, Rocko's staff inexplicably pointed itself at just the right angle to hit Zim right in the squeegly-spootch.

"OOO!!! SWEET MERCIFUL CRAP!" Zim squealed.

"ROCKO...WINS. FLAWLESS...VICTORY." Zim said, wincing with pain.  
"FATALITY." And just then, he fainted.

All of a sudden, Gir appeared out of nowhere riding a flying pig. "OH MY GOD, YOU KILLED ZIM! HE'S DEAD! YOU KILLED HIM! NO!!!" Gir screamed to the heavens.

"I'M STILL ALIVE, YOU BLITHERING IDIOT! IT IS BUT A FLESH WOUND!" Zim yelled at Gir in a high-pitched helium voice. "AND DON'T LAUGH!" he added. Rocko almost wet himself just from trying not to laugh.  
Meanwhile, Gir laughed so hard that he started screaming and writhing on the ground like a lunatic again. "BALLOONS! CUPCAKES! PIZZA! CANDLES! FLOWERS! PRESENTS! CANDY! GRAPE SODA! BUBBLES! POTATO CHIPS! MOON-BOUNCE! BUTTERFLIES! MICHAEL JACKSON! TIN FOIL!!! LADYBUGS!!! OBAMA!!! FLOWERS!!! RAINBOWS!!! PINGAS!!! NEEURRRGH!!!"

"Sweet Mother Teresa on the hood of a Mercedes Benz, Zim! You really need to get that mentally ill robot fixed immediately! He's got so many blasted screws loose that even my dog Spunky looks normal by comparison now! And that dog ate my toenail clippings off the floor as if they were delicious hotcakes!" Rocko ranted about Gir's troubling incompetence.

"OH YEAH?!" Zim talked back like a completely insufferable douchebag. "WELL HOW ABOUT I TAKE THAT DAMNED STAFF OF YOURS AND SHOVE IT DIRECTLY UP YOUR BLOODY HAIRY-" 

"OOH, LANGUAGE!" Gir screamed right in Zim's face, startling him and almost giving him a heart attack. "LOOK AT MY BIG, BEAUTIFUL DICTIONARY! STUDY IT OR DIE!!! CRICKETS!!! PIKACHU!!! ZEEURRRGH!!! EEYOOM??? CUPCAKES WITH RAISINS?! AIEEURRRAGH!!!!!!!!! WAHAHAHAHA!!! DERPY DERPY DOOM!!! WHEE!!! WHEEHEEHEEHEEHEE!!!"

"OKAY, THAT'S IT, YOU INCOMPETENT FOOL!" Zim yelled. "YOU NEED...TO SHUT! THE FRAK! UP!" At that moment, Gir started crying super-ultra-loudly, shaking all the trees in the forest and releasing all the blue jays.

"Oh, sweet, kind-hearted Jesus, please tell me, what did I ever do to deserve such a horribly cruel and unusual punishment to my eardrums?!?" Rocko yelled, pulling and stretching his ears in frustration; he almost tore them off from how forcefully he was yanking on them. 

"That's it!" Rocko said, irritated. "I'm using a magic spell! Earius Pluggioos!" The spell worked and gave Rocko earplugs, but it also made Rebecca Black's "Friday" play very loudly inside his brain, causing the god-awful music to echo through his entire skull.

"Zim, for the love of God, please help me! I think my ears are bleeding internally!" Rocko screamed.

"This looks like a job for Dr. Mario...or should I say ZIM!" Zim proclaimed.

"Just cut to the chase already, would you please?!?" Rocko demanded. "That god-awful music you're hearing is coming from inside my poor, tortured little brain! You gotta dig in there and pull out whatever infernal device is playing that filth! I don't even care if you have a medical license or not! JUST DO SOMETHING BEFORE I GO COMPLETELY INSANE, FOR PETE'S SAKE!"

"I don't understand what you're saying and I don't care." Zim replied.

"Okay, okay, I'll rephrase it the way you want me to say it..." Rocko groaned, rolling his eyes.

"FLIP OPEN THE LID! ON TOP OF MY HEAD!  
GET THAT MUSIC OUT OF THERE BEFORE! I'M! DEAD!" 

"Your head has a lid on top of it?" Zim asked, confused.  
"Don't ask." Rocko replied.

TWELVE SECONDS LATER...

"Damnit, Zim, I thought you'd have some kind of proper tools for this! I always knew you had absolutely no idea what you were doing to begin with!" Rocko ranted about Zim's piss-poor skills as a doctor.

"Stop complaining! I know what I'm doing!" Zim complained, digging his bare, sharp-clawed fingers into Rocko's brain without a second thought.

"OW! Stop jamming your sharp claws into my nerve endings! That really hurts, you know!"  
Rocko demanded.

"My calculations show that, thanks to the massive amount of cartoon logic flowing through your bloodstream, this sorry, pathetic excuse for brain surgery isn't even hurting you that much at all!" Zim explained. "Now just ignore the pain and let me work my magic! Get ready!" Zim said, forming his hand into a drill shape. "I'm going in!"

APPROXIMATELY FIVE SECONDS OF SCREAMING LATER...

"There it is! I can feel it! I'm pulling it out right now!" Zim exclaimed with excitement.

"Please be gentle. PLEASE?" Rocko asked, begging Zim for mercy.

"Will you spare me a dime if I try to do this as gently as possible?" Zim asked.

"Sorry, mate, but I'm flat broke. However, would you mind being a bit more careful with your- GAAAH!!!!!!" Rocko suddenly yelled in pain as Zim painfully yanked out the iPod stuck inside his brain.

"I'm observing the device, and it seems that there is no way to turn it off." Zim explained.

"Well, for goodness sakes, are there any other music options on that wretched infernal contraption?" Rocko asked curiously.

"Yes...but it seems that the only other option would appear to be music from a certain musician named Justin." Zim replied.

"Justin who?" Rocko asked. "Oh, please don't tell me it's-"

"If you're asking what I think you're asking, then yes. Yes it is. Justin...Bieber." Zim answered. "Are you thinking what I'm thinking, kangaroo boy?"

"Y-Yes. Yes, I am." Rocko said, surprised by Zim's unexpected insight. "Hand the device to me, and I will do what has to be done."

"Throw it." Zim said, reading Rocko's mind. "Throw it off the cliff into oblivion."

"Yeah!" Rocko replied confidently with an incredibly evil and mischievous smirk on his face. "That's what I'M gonna do..."

And with that, Rocko threw the iPod off the cliff, put on sunglasses and walked away from the demonic nuclear explosion like a badass. "A wallaby's gotta do what a wallaby's gotta do."

"Not to mention aliens also gotta do what aliens gotta do!" Zim pointed out, shooting Gir in the face. "Good riddance. I'll just summon our robot horse to take us back to our group! We'll simply use the GPS feature to locate them! MUHUHAHAHA! NEVER UNDERESTIMATE THE GENIUS OF ZIM! I AM ZIM AND ZIM IS AWESOME!!!"

"Hit it, doc!" Rocko encouraged Zim.

"ROCKY'S FEELING FINE!  
I AM ON CLOUD NINE!  
DOCTOR MARIO IS IN THE HOUSE! TO-NIGHT!

And with that, the unlikely dynamic duo rode off into the sunset. "Who needs inferior organic horses when you can just buy one with useful headlights, infinite fuel and super-nifty cupholders? HA! You silly humans are just so utterly pathetic!" Zim boasted.

"Good old Zim..." Rocko sighed.


	3. Krabs The Hermit

Rocko and Zim reached the rest of the team quickly by riding on Zim's robotic horse. They passed a conspicuously massive number of trees, took stops at several convenience stores along the way,and dared each other to go into the outhouses; Zim was too afraid to do so.

"THE ROACHES...THEY LIVE AMONG US ALL!!" Zim screamed in agony.

A FEW MINUTES LATER...

"Where've you boys been?" Sandy asked.

"Oh, it's a very long story..." Rocko replied.

A FEW MINUTES LATER, IN THE TENT...

Sandy and Squidward were both rolling on the floor dying of laughter.

"For REAL?!? Oh, dear lord, what sort of trouble will you two get yourselves into next?" Sandy asked, brushing the tears of joy from her eyes.

""Who knows?" Squidward said blankly.

"Anyway," Sandy continued, "Good night once again!"

"Chopping trees is such a blast!" Spongebob said with an unnecessary amount of childlike joy.

THE NEXT MORNING...

"What was that?" almost everyone in the tent asked.

"Nothing. Just the sound of my flatulence." Zim answered.  
"Weird." Sandy responded.  
"I'LL EAT YOU ALL ALIVE!!" Zim yelled.

"Oh, for the love of God, please not this again..." Rocko groaned.  
"Here, have this granola bar. Also, have some steak while you're at it." Sandy offered.

Zim growled like an animal, baring his teeth. "Down, boy!" Rocko scolded him. "Don't make me get out me baseball bat again!" Zim whimpered in fear and obeyed.

ONE MONTAGE OF ZIM AND PALS SCARFING DOWN HAM AND EGGS LATER...

"Alright, men, it's time to go!" Zim ordered everyone.  
"Hey, you're not the boss of us!" Sandy yelled at him.

"Then who is?" Zim asked.  
"I AM!" Sandy reminded him. "Now move out of the way, please."  
"Try me, squirrel girl. See what happens- OOOOOOH!!!! NOT AGAIN!! HOW DID YOU KNOW ABOUT MY SQUEEGLY-SPOOTCH?" Zim squealed in pain for the second chapter in a row after being punched in the squeegly-spootch by Sandy.

"I was the teacher of the Irken biology class that Rocko took during our one-week training montage. Also, I have a crush on him." Sandy revealed.

"WHY YOU LITTLE-" Zim screamed, charging toward Rocko. "I'M GONNA- OOOOOOOOOH!!! he squealed for the third time as Rocko kicked him right in the gap between his legs.

"Alien genders are just weird like that." Zim explained. "That was actually my sneedily-snootch."

"What's the difference?" Rocko groaned. "Anyway, that's what you get for performing brain surgery on me without even using your painkiller pills! What in God's name is wrong with you?"

FIVE HOURS OF WALKING LATER...

"Okay, we're almost there!" Sandy said. "Is everyone ready?"

"I'm putting up the tent..over there...so I can sleep." Squidward groaned, pointing to a nearby cave.

"That's where we're going, silly!" Sandy explained. "That cave is actually part of our route to Viacom's land of doom!"

"Ooh, Viacom's tunnel of-a doom, VERY SCARY! Yeah, right! Can we please just finish this quest already so that I can go home, relax and take over the world?" Zim moaned.

"I have to agree with him." Squidward groaned. "Can we please just turn back?"

"No!" Rocko exclaimed. "We must never give up! Even though me poor aching feet feel like they need a rest now..." He sat down on a rock and pulled his shoes off, unintentionally displaying his bare feet to Sandy.

"Would you mind if I gave you a good old fashioned massage to relax those nice, big, adorable, plushy, kangaroo feet of yours?" Sandy asked.

"L-Later!" Rocko answered nervously, blushing with embarassment. "Jeez, what's gotten into you lately?"

"Sandy, stop flirting with our magician every five minutes!" Spongebob told Sandy.  
"We have a mission to accomplish here! Try to focus a bit more on the actual...you know, POINT of this chapter!"

"Heh, 'point'." Squidward chuckled.

They made it into the forest and were on a pretty smooth roll up until the point when...

"SPIDER!" everyone screamed, making a run for it, straight through the forest. Eventually, they reached the entrance to the cave. They all climbed the rocks and went in.

INSIDE THE CAVE...

Sandy and her crew traversed the dark tunnels of the cave and met a worn-out, utterly demented shell of a man.

It was Mr. Krabs, heavily corrupted by the power of money. He had found a million-dollar coin and was obviously determined to hold on to it no matter what might happen.

"Hello...my name is Mr. Krabs...pleased to meet you." he whispered to them in a hissing voice.

"What brings you here?" Spongebob asked.

"This...million-dollar coin I'm holding here...this beautiful, golden coin...my...precious." Mr. Krabs explained. "I mustn't let anyone take me precious, I mustn't! I must not let them have their way!" he continued, hacking and wheezing.

"What do you eat down here?" Sandy asked. "Have you really been living down here long enough to grow a beard? How did you sustain yourself for that long?"

"Fish." Mr. Krabs answered. "Raw fish."

"But you're a sea creature just like me!" Spongebob pointed out.  
"And me." Squidward also pointed out.

"Well, I also eat anyone who's foolish enough to come in here and bother me while I'm trying to have my nice and quiet time all to myself." Mr. Krabs explained, causing everyone to draw their weapons on him.

"You don't need a license to chop someone's head off!" Spongebob taunted.

"Grass grows, birds fly, sun shines, and brother...I'll hurt you if I have to, you understand me?" Rocko explained.

"Feel the power of my...mighty arrows? Ah, screw it." Squidward groaned.

"EAT MEDICINE, YOU SICKENING GREEDHEAD!" Zim theatrically yelled.

Sandy punched Mr. Krabs in the face. "Okay, I'll join you. Just please don't hurt me! I'll tell you anything!"

"Do you know the best route to Viacomordor?" Sandy asked.

"Can you convince Sandy to stop trying to give me foot rubs while I'm asleep?" Rocko asked. Sandy blushed and giggled at that remark but did not say a word in response.

"DO YOU KNOW HOW TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD?" Zim asked. "CAN YOU BUILD A GIANT ROBOT FOR ME?'

"Zim, this is frickin' Middle-Earth for crying out loud!" Sandy scolded him. "They don't have highly advanced technology here, apart from all the stuff in our abandoned safe-house..."

"Do you know how to make a Krabby Patty?" Spongebob asked. "Also, what color is my underwear?"

"Spongebob!" Sandy scolded him.

"Can you show me how not to be a loser? A Squidward, if you will?" Squidward asked. "Please, sir, I beg of you." Squidward broke down into tears. "Oh, who am I kidding, it's no use!"

"I do know the shortcut to Viacomordor." Mr. Krabs explained. "Here, follow me!"

"Oh, who am I kidding, I might as well follow along with the plan." Squidward groaned.


	4. Viacomordor

And so they set off on their official journey to the evil land known as Viacomordor.

Sandy, Spongebob, Zim, Rocko, Squidward and Mr. Krabs, to be exact.

"So tell me...how did you come across that million-dollar coin of yours?" Sandy asked.

"I have no idea." Mr. Krabs answered.  
"Well, that's peculiar." Sandy responded.

"Look out, my beloved masters! One of Viacom's minions has blocked our path!" Mr. Krabs warned everyone, jumping onto the man and eating him alive while Sandy and the gang watched with pricelessly horrified and disgusted facial expressions.

Well, except for Zim, that is; he seemed to be enjoying it. "AH, YES! THE WEIGHT OF CRIME BEARS BITTER FRUIT INDEED! MUHUHAHAHA!!! OH, HOW I LOVE BITTER THINGS..." Zim explained while eating popcorn. "MAKE THAT PIGGY SQUEAL!"

"Well, at least he's out of the way..." Squidward groaned.

They continued along Mr. Krabs's route. They killed a whole bunch of guards, traversed all kinds of treacherous cave-related obstacles, farted in the bat cave, and eventually made it to the outer rim trail of the mountain.

"Umm, excuse me sir, how exactly are we supposed to get past all these falling rocks?" Rocko asked, pointing to all the boulders inexplicably falling from the top of the mountain.

"Just do the same thing you always do. Scream and run." Mr. Krabs explained.

"What do you think this is supposed to be, my theme song?" Rocko talked back.

"Just do it, would you please?" Mr. Krabs demanded angrily.

AND SO THEY ALL RAN PAST THE BOULDERS, SCREAMING AT THE TOPS OF THEIR LUNGS WHILST DOING SO.

"Okay, now we just go down these stairs here, and...OH MY GOSH IT'S A GIANT OCTOPUS WITH EYEBALLS!" Mr. Krabs screamed. "Where in the Lord's name did he come from?"

"Stay back, I'll handle this." Squidward explained. Squidward had had a lot of practice with shooting arrows, so he simply shot an arrow at the eyeball on the tip of each tentacle. In a desperation attack, the octopus grabbed Squidward.

"Oh, God, I'm out of arrows! SPONGEBOB! HELP ME!" Squidward yelled.

"Alright, time's up, let's do this! LEEROY!!!!!! JENKINS!!!!!" Spongebob yelled so dramatically that his voice actually echoed across the countryside; he charged straight into battle, chopping the monster's tentacles off and stabbing it right in the face-eye with his sword.

That was, in laymen's terms, the final blow. The monster roared in agony and exploded into confetti, leaving Squidward alone and still hungry. He thought about sandwiches.

A FEW MINUTES LATER...

"Okay, looks like we've reached the gates." Sandy pointed out. "What do we do now?"

"Say the magic word." Mr. Krabs explained.

"What's the magic word?" Sandy asked.  
"Cancellation." Mr. Krabs answered.

And with that, the gates opened.

"HEY! We take offense to that!" Rocko and Zim yelled with disapproval.

The landscape of Viacomordor was dry, polluted and barren; there were volcanoes everywhere, and there was a large tower off in the distance. On top of the tower was a huge eyeball-shaped security camera.

"They call that thing the Eye of Viacom. That thing can actually see right through your clothes!" Mr Krabs explained.

"Oh, God, please don't remind me of that time when my friends filmed me naked..." Rocko groaned.

"Those perverts!" Sandy sneered with disapproval. "How do we shut that stupid thing off?"

"I think I know." Spongebob said in a deep voice, with a mischievous smirk on his face. "Mr. Krabs, follow me into this here volcano."

INSIDE THE VOLCANO...

"Fetch, boy! Fetch!" Spongebob commanded Mr. Krabs, throwing the million-dollar coin so that it fell into the lava pit at the bottom of the volcano.

"No!!! My money!!! Come back here!!! Come to papa!!! I loved you like a dear, sweet child!!! NO!!!!!!" Mr. Krabs screamed, frantically charging off the edge of the precipice and diving straight into the lava. "If you go, I'm going with you! Tell me daughter I love her-" 

To make a long story short, Mr. Krabs fell into the lava and died along with his stupid million-dollar coin.

"Good riddance." Spongebob spat.

And with that, the Eye of Viacom suddenly began to malfunction. After having a seizure for several seconds, the device exploded.

"Alright. Let's go." Spongebob commanded his crew.

And so Spongebob, Zim, Rocko, Squidward and Sandy joined forces, powering their way through Viacomordor.   
With Spongebob's brawn, Zim's brains, Rocko's adorableness, Squidward's pitiful depression and Sandy's sense of leadership, the team was unstoppable.

Eventually, they reached the bridge to the tower. A strong wind was blowing on the bridge, strong enough to blow most of the team's members off.

"Heavicus Weighticus!" Rocko chanted; unfortunately, however, the spell backfired on him and dropped an anvil on top of his head, causing him to get dizzy and pass out.

"Alright, everyone. Wait for the wind to stop blowing, then run for your lives." Sandy explained. "Zim, give all of us your speed pills."

Zim produced five orange pills from his arse; one for each member of the team.

"Okay, now RUN!!!" Sandy ordered them. She picked up Rocko and cradled him in her crazily loving yet strong arms, then the team blasted off.

They all ran like the wind and they all made it across the drawbridge; once they made it into the tower, Rocko regained consciousness. "Where am I?" he asked.

"Looks like we've entered Viacom's HQ." Sandy explained.


	5. The Fall Of Viacom

Spongebob, Sandy, Rocko, Zim and Squidward climbed the tower one stairstep at a time. Eerily, they began to realize that there was a gigantic bottomless pit in the center of the tower. "Wouldn't want to fall in there." Rocko thought to himself.

TWO HOURS LATER...

"8,999...9,000...9,001...9,002...Sweet holy Jesus, how many frickin' stairs does this cursed tower have?" Spongebob wondered.

SOME TIME LATER...

"Okay...it has...approximately...nine...thousand...fourty...two...steps." Spongebob exhaustedly confirmed. Having finally reached the top of the staircase, all five of them decided to take a fairly long rest break by passing out and collapsing onto the floor from sheer exhaustion.

ONE HOUR LATER...

The team woke up and was all ready to fight.

"With my brains..." Sandy chanted.  
"And my apathy..." Squidward groaned.  
"And my sword..." Spongebob chanted.  
"AND MY INSANITY..." Zim chanted.  
"And my staff, if you can even call it that..." Rocko chanted.

"WE ARE UNSTOPPABLE!" all five of them chanted in unison, forming a circle formation and placing their right hands on top of each other in the middle.

"Um, excuse me, miss Sandy?" Rocko asked. "Could you give us a number crunch real quick?"  
"Uhhh...yeah gimme a sec...I'm coming up with thirty-two point three three uh, repeating of course, percentage, of survival." Sandy replied.

"Well, that's a lot better than we usually do." Squidward groaned. 

"Uhh, alright, you think we're ready boys?" Sandy asked.

"Alright chums, Let's do this...SPONGEBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOB SQUAAAAAREPANNNNNTS!" Spongebob yelled, charging straight into the bridge room.

"Oh my god, he just ran in..." Rocko and Squidward groaned, face-palming.

All four of Spongebob's team mates ran after him.

"Stick to the plan, for God's sake!" Sandy yelled at him.  
"Yeah, stick to the plan, mate!" Rocko agreed.  
"They don't pay me enough for this crap..." Squidward groaned.  
"HEY, COME BACK HERE AND GET YOUR SHOTS, MISTER!" Zim yelled.

Once the team reached the end of the bridge, they were greeted by a huge monster of a man. "Greetings, I am Mr. Noht Aist. I am the lord of Viacom's operations." the man said.

"Where's everyone else, then?" Sandy asked.  
"I killed them." Noht replied. "Anyone who disobeys me immediately gets thrown off of this dilapidated 10-meter wide stone bridge. However, I still fight with honor; therefore, I will legitimately fight you like a real man. Are you ready?"

"You bet I'm ready, you son of a gun!" Sandy yelled. "Take this!" 

Sandy tried to roundhouse-kick Noht, but Noht grabbed her leg, twisted it, and threw her across the bridge.

"Hey! No one treats my friends like that!" Spongebob yelled. "Take this!" 

Spongebob swung his sword at Noht, but Noht's armor broke the sword and Spongebob got punched across the bridge. 

"What? I'm just sitting here eating popcorn." Squidward said.

"Now you two bastards are the only ones left." Noht growled, pointing to Zim and Rocko. "Do you know how freaking overrated you two have gotten over the years?"

"Zim? Yes. Me? Not so much. My show isn't overrated! It's just freaking awesome!" Rocko replied, irritated. "You, sir, are a monster! You canceled freaking amazing shows like my show for example-"

"Not to mention MY show-" Zim added.

"And then you replaced them with absolute garbage like Fanboy & Chum Chum and Breadwinners! Heck, the only innovative and quality animated cartoon series you actually keep on the air is Spongebob, which in truth really isn't even all that innovative! Hell, Spongebob wouldn't even exist if I hadn't existed before it!" Rocko ranted. "All you care about is freaking money! Learn to freaking RESPECT the classics for God's sake!"

"Please! Noht! Listen to him! It's good for your soul!" Spongebob pleaded.

"Oh, puh-leeze. I have no soul." Noht replied.

"Very well then...YOU!!! SHALL NOT!!! PASS!!!" Rocko yelled at the top of his lungs, slamming his staff into the rock-solid ground.

To his shock, the staff broke in half, leaving Rocko helplessly standing there like an idiot. "Uh...heh heh...I thought it would work! Oh come on, just cut me some slack, would you?" Rocko nervously complained as everyone glared at him. 

"UM...RETREAT!!!" Rocko screamed, fleeing to the other side of the bridge where his defeated teammates were all grouped together.

"I challenge you to a musical contest!" Zim challenged Noht.  
"Very well then." Noht replied. "Show me what you can do!"  
"SONG BEGINS NOW!" Zim confirmed.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=XyPivh…

I am Dr. Mario and you bow down to me!  
Look at my convincing skinny body (with green pigment, claws and)  
This is not a costume, I am so Italian!  
I will give you abortion and (I'll eat your babies at no extra charge!)

I am Dr. Mario and I will kill your wives!  
Come to me when you've been cut by lasers, I mean sharp knives!

Brightly colored pills (TAKE THIS!)  
Take until it kills (TAKE THAT!)  
Just as long as you're ready to PAY! THE! BILLS! (HA!)

In-va-der Zim...de-stroys the world...  
Death from above...truth has un-furled!

Now you know my name! (WHAT?)  
This is not a game! (WHY?)  
All you filthy Earthling vermin ARE! THE! SAME! (HA!)

(Doomy doomy doomy doomy) X3  
Doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom   
(Doomy doomy doomy doomy) X3  
Doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom

Wanna?  
Know my?  
Favorite?  
Food?

Spa-ghet-ti is so good, dude...

Now you know my name! (WHAT?)  
This is not a game! (WHY?)  
All you filthy Earthling vermin ARE! THE! SAME! (HA!)

Brightly colored pills (TAKE THIS!)  
Take until it kills (TAKE THAT!)  
Just as long as you're ready to PAY! THE! BILLS! (HA!)


	6. Six Goodbyes

By the time Zim had finished his performance, every single jaw in the entire room had clearly dropped and everyone was positively stunned with amazement, even Noht. 

While Noht was busy being literally stunned with amazement, Zim injected a mixture of green and purple pills into Noht's leg, completely paralyzing Noht. Then, he ran past Noht to the other side of the bridge and encouraged all of his teammates to do the same.

Just after the Nickelodeon team ran past the bridge and went up the stairs onto the roof of the building, Noht suddenly recieved a phone call from Ren.

"I'm telling you, dude, Rocko and Zim both suck dinosaur balls!" Noht told Ren; somehow, Noht was just barely able to move his mouth and vocal cords.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=FT4YbO…

Upon hearing Noht spout this incoherently biased and clearly false garbage through the phone, Ren became pissed off. His eyes widened and he realized just how much of a jerk the person he was talking to really was; therefore, Ren snapped at him.

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DON'T AGREE WITH ME? DO YOU KNOW WHO YOU'RE DEALING WITH?!?" Ren screamed.

Ren looked over to the side and saw a button sitting on the table right next to him, so he slammed it with his fist.

The button triggered the explosives that Ren had somehow planted inside the bridge that Noht was standing on top of, causing it to explode; Ren laughed maniacally, being overly proud of his victory.

"NO!!!!!!!!!!!!" Noht screamed as he fell into the abyss.

On the roof of the tower, the Nickelodeon team was greeted by the god of animation.

"You have all done very well, beloved characters." the GOA complimented them. "Except for you, Squidward."

"Everyone's a critic." Squidward groaned.

"Now, learn to further accept your differences and I will return you to your respective fandom universes." the GOA explained.

"Concentrate..." As the GOA was speaking, Zim suddenly began making faces at Rocko with his weird and creepy alien tongue. "Concentrate..."

"He's making faces at me!" Rocko whined.  
"AM NOT!" Zim replied.

"KNOCK IT OFF, you snot weasels!" the GOA yelled at them, pushing the two away from each other. 

"Now listen. You really have impressed me with the way you worked together in this adventure." the GOA explained. "In fact, this entire adventure was actually just a test that I designed to see if you five had the willpower to handle it as a team."

"And don't worry about Mr. Krabs and Gir." the GOA continued. "They're both still alive in their respective universes, much to both Zim's and Spongebob's annoyance."

"Hey, wait a second!" Sandy interrupted. "If this is supposed to be a fan fiction, then someone has to kiss me! I think I'll choose...wait for it...Rocko!"

"SAY WHAAAT?!" Spongebob responded.

Sandy removed her helmet, lifted Rocko up to her face, and then gave him a huge smooch right on the forehead, followed by a bear hug.

"Oh my golly, you're such a sweet and charming little bundle of joy..." Sandy complimented. "I really wish we could go on a date some time. Why, you're the cutest little thing I ever did see! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH, I DO!"

"Okay, okay, enough drooling over me!" Rocko responded. "I mean, seriously, you're literally drooling onto me nose!"

"Hey, why don't I get some love too?!?" Spongebob yelled.

Sandy then gave Spongebob a kiss and a bear hug as well. "Of course I love you! I would never forget you, sweetheart!"

"Geez...rabid fangirling much?" the GOA thought to himself out loud.

"What was that?" Sandy asked.  
"Oh, nothing." the GOA responded.

"Now," the GOA concluded, "you must say the final word to each other. Say it now."

"What is this final word you speak of?" Zim asked. 

"Goodbye."  
"Goodbye."  
"Goodbye."  
"Goodbye."  
"Goodbye."  
"Goodbye."


End file.
